In our area, childcare is expensive. $300 a week is what we've been pay for childcare since our FD arrived in Aug. We did not sign up to be foster parents to spend our savings on a foster child. We wanted to experience the joy of having a child in our lives, share our life, house, and community with a child who could reap the benefits of it, and thought the experience would be totally different than what it was.
It was hard. I posted about how there was a bit of difficulty with attachment/bonding. The crying all the time. The not sleeping at night. There was no medical issue. There's the "she's just a two year old" and "She's a foster kid" part to factor in, but I also think there was some more to that.
Anyway, we were making sacrifices right and left (which we knew we were going to have to do for a foster child- or any child) - but it was not easy. My husband and I never really "fight," but we were getting short with each other and frustrated all the time due to the exhaustion. No activity was pleasant because FD was always tantrumming or crying or somehow making the event (pumpkin patch, baseball game, grocery store, park, anything) unpleasant. It's not her fault that she was born into this life and has very insecure attachment/bonding abilities. We worked with her. We tried everything. Something just didn't click. Everyone kept saying give it time, but the same things kept happening. We love her. We have solved the sleeping thing through the night thing by reading some sleep books and trying different stuff. She goes to daycare without crying now. Lots of good stuff has happened, but it is still hard and doesn't feel right.
Then we find out that the state won't pay for daycare... and it was like a bomb was dropped on us. We contacted the agency and they told us there was nothing they could do. We discerned this decision for about 2-3 weeks hoping that a solution would come to fruition or life at home would get better (If everything was peachy keen, maybe the daycare $ wouldn't have felt like such a drop in the bucket...)
Tonight we wrote a letter asking that she be placed elsewhere, that we were not willing to cover her daycare for 8-10 months. My heart aches. I know deep down this was the right decision (everything has been so ROUGH the past few months, so HARD to even come home from work each night because I dreaded what was to come). Everyone said it would get better but it never really did. THEN the daycare thing, and it was over the top.
Anyway, just feeling like a really rotten foster parent tonight. That this poor kid is going to go through more change, more transition, more trauma, because of us. (Agency's fault, but indirectly because of us).
This was our first placement. I have an infertility diagnosis. I think I am sort of mourning the inability to have a biological child, now the inability to care for a foster child. I feel like we really failed at this. I can almost guarantee the agency won't call us with another placement, nor do I think I could even accept another placement with the though of having this type of result.
Any words of wisdom, support, kindness would be welcome. I am full of tears and sadness as I write this, so any sort of negative comments won't really help the situation.
London 2012 hurdles Taylor Kinney Beach Volleyball Olympics 2012 Jessica Ennis Oscar Pistorius Aliya Mustafina Kirk Urso
কোন মন্তব্য নেই:
একটি মন্তব্য পোস্ট করুন